I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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