Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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