ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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