My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
