so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
