I am in a vortex of obligation.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
