I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize