Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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