It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
