The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
