the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
