dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
