apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Damn victory sex feels great
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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