I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
