woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
