Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
