my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
