I'm eating all of the evidence.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
