onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
