please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
