Need sex. Gaining weight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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