you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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