I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Fuck appropriateness.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
