Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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