I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
