Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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