i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
