party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
