She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
