If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pants are for mortals
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