there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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