This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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