I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
