Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
