the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
