i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
