Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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