In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
