I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
