At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
