Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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