So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
