it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
