just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
