Define "chronic" masturbator.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
