No stitches, just platelets and will power
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
