Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
