I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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