are you still at the devil's house?
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
