Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
