I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
