I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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