Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
