I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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