dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
