Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
