The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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