Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
