would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
