Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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