I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
