Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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