she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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