you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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