turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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