his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
