Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
