Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
