last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
