Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
