wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
