mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
