yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
